108. The Distance of Heart
I groaned and fell down to the bed.
Unbelievable, really unbelievable.
Even for an instant, I who had run around the world as the King of Black Coffin, have not even thought that I would be this cornered by a part-time job.
Deliver newspaper starting from 2a.m. Then, head towards the preparation of the ramen restaurant, and work there until noon. Inserting a short rest, then, work at the kitchen of a restaurant in the city. Once the night comes, I work at the construction site.
Thus, I return home late night. As for my sleeping hours, it’s less than 1 hour every 3 days.
I force my heavy body to stand up, and I sigh as I have to move in order to dye my hair and make food for Onikko.
Well then, what should I make for today?
While thinking so, I head to the living room, but suddenly, I move silently when I felt a presence at the living room.
In all probability, it’s her.
But still, the reason why I move silently might be because of a whim or I was just curious of what she’s doing.
When I look at the kitchen from the door’s gap, I can see Onikko wearing a large apron, heading to the kitchen. Upon seeing her hand holding a knife, I started to sweat.
Knife. That’s an extremely dangerous weapon.
Since when she started to use it, and how many times she has pointed the knife to someone?
Unfortunately, with just a knife, it’s impossible to cut my flesh, but still, if it’s a normal human–but when thinking that a little girl is using it, a knife is quite a heavy load for her.
While peeping on her from the shadows, I started to get nervous, but I opened my eyes wide when I saw the thing she took out.
I muttered softly, and sounded my throat.
This is bad. Please, not the carrot.
Probably, she’s trying to peel the skin with the knife, but it’s very difficult to peel the carrot’s skin with a knife. To the degree that I still haven’t mastered it yet.
And that……Onikko is trying to do it now.
The uneasiness in my heart grows violent upon realizing the fact, and I sound my throat again.
「……If I remember correctly…like this」
She placed the carrot on the chopping board.
Upon seeing the extremely distinctive sight, she nods in satisfaction, and swings down the knife.
The very sharp knife that’s swung downwards, cuts the carrot into half, and the knife blade sticks into the chopping board.
I groan softly upon seeing her swordsmanship 『as expected of the lineage of Shutendouji……』, but as expected, because it’s too dangerous, I decided to step into the living room.
「……What are you doing at such a late hour?」
I asked so, and as if she just realized my presence, she who reacted with a twitch, turns around timidly.
And upon seeing me, she started to be flustered–but she seemed to have completely forgotten that she’s holding a knife.
I shorten the distance in an instant, grab her right wrist, and she opens her eyes wide.
In that opening, I took the knife away and placed it on the kitchen. Then, I turn around to her.
「……So what were you doing at this time?」
When I look at the clock, it has already passed 12, and upon hearing my words, she pouts while blushing, and mutters softly.
「Peeping…pervert pedo bastard」
「Hey, who taught you that?」
I replied so upon hearing such sharp words, but she looks at me once and then turns away.
……As expected, she won’t say it.
While recognizing the wall between us once again, I sigh and release her hand.
Suddenly, she looked at me as if she’s surprised.
I felt that there were colors of despair passing her eyes, but she immediately cast her eyes down and turns away.
「……Don’t do anything dangerous anymore, okay? Things like cooking, just leave all to me」
While muttering that, I pass through her, and stand at the kitchen.
With the knife in my hand, I who stood in front of the chopping board and the carrot,–
「……You…don’t have to」
I opened my eyes wide upon hearing those words from behind.
You…don’t have to.
I turned around as I thought that it means that I have served my purpose, but upon seeing the girl averting her eyes while blushing, I can’t help but to feel a little strange.
「What……do you mean by that?」
「……I-I said……that you don’t…have…to make food…anymore」
Muttering that, she places both her hands in front of her body, and continues.
「……I decided…to not rely on you. And yet…when I realized it…everything…I rely on you……I didn’t do anything. That’s why–」
“That’s why, I won’t rely on you anymore”, huh.
She probably tried to said so, but she raises her face quickly.
I can see her blue eyes staring at me from the gap of her long hair, and she said this with a certain tone to the faltering me.
「–And also…you…work…a little too hard」
I opened my eyes wide by that.
With my age–it’s called as 『middle school student』 in the society, can’t earn enough money to live on if I don’t work that much. That’s why, I thought that working hard is a matter of course.
And also, I thought that she won’t realize such thing because she has no interest in me.
But how is it now?
As the result of moving with such thought, I made the person who I’m supposed to protect, worry.
……Made her worry?
When I look back at her while feeling uneasy, she started to panic as if she just realized what she said.
「N-No……! I-I don’t care about you. B-But…if you die by that…I…will be alone again……No…I won’t be able to get my revenge. That’s why…I won’t…forgive overworking」
At first, she was panic, but she finished her words indifferently. I can see that she’s somehow angry when she said that.
I smiled a little upon wondering about that.
「……You’re right. If I die, you lose everything」
Muttering that, I extend my hand to her head.
Upon seeing my hand, her shoulders trembled.
However, she only averted her eyes and didn’t show any sign of stepping back. Therefore, I placed my hand on her head in a somehow reserved manner.
–It’s a fact that the wall of hatred still exists between us.
I killed her father.
The fact will not change.
To be honest, I don’t know how to face that fact. In the first place, living with his daughter is an act of madness. Then, what should I do? There’s no way I would know.
However, if by any chance.
Even if she doesn’t forgive me and pretend to not know me. If she acts like not touching the swelling.
Even if it’s a relationship full of madness, I think that my distance of heart will be filled.
Right, it will be filled.
If I say that I don’t try to fill it, it’s a lie. But still, deep down in my heart, I think that I can’t fill it.
Therefore, as much as the feeling to want to fill it, the sense of duty to not fill it, crawls in my heart.
That’s the difference between ethics and feelings.
My ethics are shouting “do not fill it”.
My feelings are sobbing “try to fill it”.
What should I do?
If she wishes for it, I like to shout so.
But, even so–
–I don’t want to erase my fault.
While patting her head, I clench my teeth.
If she wishes for the madness, I’ll do my best to make it happen. After all, there’s no way her wish is wrong.
I don’t want to forget about this blood-stained memory.
I wonder if it’s not a good thing to think that I can’t forget about it.
I muttered “I’m off” softly, and left the house.
I still don’t have the answer for it.
Should I remember my sin and set a fixed distance with her? Or should I 『pretend to forget』 about the past and shorten the distance?
「……What to do?」
However, if she starts to think of shortening the distance. There’s a possibility that a different feeling than 『hatred』 is starting to grow.
When thinking so, I feel that my hard work is not pointless, but……how should I say it? It’s a strange feeling to have the girl who resent and hate me, harbor other feelings to me.
……Now, what should I do?
I walk while muttering those words again in my heart, and suddenly, I feel a presence in front of me.
–When I look forward, there’s a blond foreigner.
A large build that muscles stand out even when he’s wearing clothes. In addition, I can grasp that he’s an experience fighter upon seeing his appearance.
Special Forces……no. The Special Forces is an organization of how much they can 『slip into the society』. There’s no way they would put up this kind of straightforward and dangerous aura. No, they are trained to not release such aura.
Therefore, I’m baffled–but the man opened his mouth immediately.
「–Finally appearing, eh」
While brushing up his blond hair with his right hand, he shows a smile.
To the me who’s frowning by the strange situation, he introduces himself even though I didn’t ask for it.
「I am 【Fire Emperor】 Grazi・Blacklist. Now, embrace my beautiful and brilliant flame and die」