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The new Deputy Division Chief
“You claim to be the new Deputy Division Chief?” The security guard at the door looked like he had just heard the funniest joke in the world.
“Err, Yes.” ZiChuan Xiu lowered his voice, knowing he didn’t look very convincing at the moment. Nobody knew how it actually happened, but after getting drunk last night with Stirling, they got into a fist fight with some local thugs. The event last night had taught him two things: First, the combat strength of two top tier fighters together when drunk is no better than a pig’s; Second, the sewers in the capital smelled really bad… especially for sore losers who were thrown into it and had to spend the night in the mud. By the time the waste collectors came in the morning to find their bodies and wake them up, ZiChuan Xiu didn’t even have time to change his clothing before he had to report to the Civil Affair’s Office, and thus…
“Documents?”
“I left them at home.” Though most likely they were stolen by the thugs when they searched for his wallet.
“Of course, another one who left it at home.” The security guard sounded very understanding but the way he moved his giant baton proved otherwise: “Listen kid, we get a couple of troublemakers like you every month, but someone who comes all the way here like you did… well, that’s a first!” He raised his eyebrow and continued: “Are you drunk?! God, what is that yellow stain on your shirt? Is it shit or mud? And what is with your face, why is it swollen like a panda?”
“Please.” ZiChuan Xiu begged: “I have to report to your Division Chief – Ge Shan; I’m already late!”
“Right, and I’m the bloody Headmaster!” The security guard clearly didn’t believe him. Then again, ZiChuan Xiu had to admit he had every reason not to.
Glancing around to make sure no one was paying them any attention, ZiChuan Xiu took a deep breath: “I’m sorry, friend!” He casually tapped the guard’s shoulder, and suddenly, the guard fell limp at his feet. Quickly catching him in his arms, ZiChuan Xiu made it look as though the guard was taking a nap leaning against the wall.
…
“Where is Division Chief’s office?”
The question left the staff in complete shock; confused, they each pointed in a different direction. It could have only been a miracle that ZiChuan Xiu somehow managed to find the right way in the end.
The female assistant outside Chief’s office was shocked by the swiftly approaching madman. Blocking his path, she shouted: “You may not pass! You don’t have an appointment… I’m calling the guards!”
By then ZiChuan Xiu had already entered through the office door.
At the opposite end of the spacious office room, a rather pretty lady sat behind a desk, reading documents. She wasn’t startled at all by the sudden appearance of ZiChuan Xiu.
His male instinct automatically gave her a score of 8.5.
“Please sit, Commander Xiu; you are 15 minutes late.” Her voice was ice cold, and she showed neither joy nor anger. In fact, she didn’t even bother raising her head when she waved her assistant off with a motion of her hand.
“Right, Sir, I’m sorry, I had to…”
“I have no interest in your personal life, but now that you are a part of my Division, I hope you can start following the regulations and avoid any future indiscretions. Are we clear?”
As the score dropped to a 3.5, ZiChuan Xiu instantly put her into the category of the old virgins who wanted to be loved but weren’t, and as a result, they ended up with a mental disorder hating other people who lived a happier life.
“Sir, I’m sorry, next time…”
“Thank you for your apology. I’m sure it will be very useful; who knows, perhaps it can give me back the time I had to waste due to your tardiness.” Ge Shan remarked sarcastically: “Also, there is something else you should know. We are of the same rank; we are both Deputy Commanders, which means that you don’t have to call me Sir.”
“Yes, Sir. Oh, I mean, Chief. ZiChuan Xiu, reporting in. I’m at your command.”
“Commander Xiu, there is just one thing… I wonder if you can do me a favor.”
“Anything you say, your wish is my command.”
“Get the f*ck out this instant. Go home, take a shower, brush your teeth then come back to work! Because of you, we have to spend at least three air conditioners!”
………
Facing Bai Chuan, Luo Jie, Chang Chuan, ZiChuan Ning and Ka Dan, ZiChuan Xiu sat in front of them on the couch. Despite the serious and stern look on their faces, the size of their swollen cheeks looked as if a giant frog could be sitting inside.
ZiChuan Xiu sighed, waving in defeat: “It is ok guys, laugh away.”
“Wuahahaha!”, “Hihihi!”, “Hehehe!”…
Only Ka Dan managed to retain her princess-like demeanor, smiling slightly.
“Sir, you look like a panda with those two black eyes… Hahaha.”
Bai Chuan flipped a page from the “Di Du Daily Papers” and read out loud: “Today’s hot topic: Today a mental patient who claimed to be Commander Xiu, who recently returned to the Capital from the Far East, broke into the Civil Affair’s Office, injuring the security guard in the process. The patient was eventually repelled by the Division Chief – Ge Shan, after breaking and entering into her office. One of the witness, Miss Jing Mei Li, who is a staff at the Civil Affair’s Office, has this to say (The picture of a stupid-looking, fat, and ugly woman with a sad expression could be seen between the paragraphs): “It was so scary; he tried to touch me! He was… I mean, it’s too embarrassing to say…” The main witness, Division Chief – Ge Shan, has refused to comment on the matter.
Based on the initial report from the official investigation, it was probably the result of the recent collapse of the fences around the local mental hospital three days ago. The investigation is still ongoing, the official announcement has stated that their aim is to re-capture all the unstable and dangerous mental patients as soon as possible, and that the citizens will have nothing to worry about. All the parties involved have been advised to improve on the maintenance of any local holding facilities. Please report any sightings of the fugitives to the following address: Di Du Office of Civil Affairs, Public Safety and Maintenance, Section Three.”
A wave of wild laughter arose.
ZiChuan Ning said: “Brother, you are now famous; can I have a signature?”
Luo Jie laughed: “Sir, I knew you were desperate for some female attention… but surely you can do better than this?”
Chang Chuan whispered to ZiChuan Ning: “Where is the Office of Civil Affairs?
ZiChuan Xiu asked Bai Chuan: “Where is the article posted? First page or the second?”
After double-checking it, Bai Chuan replied: “It is posted… under the article of Special Treatment for Venereal Syphilis, and above the commercials for Viagra.”
Another wave of wild laughter arose.
The usually silent Ka Dan spoke: “Master Xiu, your eyes… perhaps I can help.”
ZiChuan Xiu had heard long ago of the incredible powers of the Demons, speaking in excitement: “Are you a shaman?”
Ka Dan shook her head.
“Do you have healing abilities?”
Ka Dan shook her head again.
“Do you know healing spells?”
Ka Dan shook her head yet again.
“Then how can you help me?”
Ka Dan reached for a wooden box behind her: “I have something here that can help you. It can disguise your eye injuries and make them invisible to the others… But it is very expensive, I’m afraid…”
What was it? Magical pills? Divine medicine? Holy water? …None of it mattered. ZiChuan Xiu only wanted to not look like a panda anymore.
Without hesitation, he reached for the last two hundred dollars in his pocket and handed them to Ka Dan.
Ka Dan shook her head: “Not enough.”
ZiChuan Xiu borrowed another thousand dollars from ZiChuan Ning and gave them to Ka Dan as well.
Ka Dan spoke sympathetically: “Sigh, very well; I’m only doing this because I like your sister, Lady Ning…”
ZiChuan Xiu took the box from her and opened it…
A pair of sunglasses, priced at fifteen dollars, and it didn’t even have a brand.
…
According to the historical records: when the King of Light finally took control of the entire Far Eastern region, he treated the lower-class citizens of the Demons exceptionally well, but the Demon royalties were treated harshly. He would punish them whenever he got the chance. As to the exact reason for his polarized treatment of the Demons, one thing was certain: Sometime, somewhere, and for some unknown reason, ZiChuan Xiu had to have suffered at the hand of a Demon Royalty…but the truth will forever remain a mystery, and lost to time.
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