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Falling in Love is the Worst
“Is something wrong?” ZiChuan Xiu poked at Stirling’s waist.
“Huh, oh, what?” Stirling gibbered senselessly: “What’s wrong?”
ZiChuan Xiu gave him a strange frown, but didn’t say anything.
Stirling’s composure instantly returned to normal, and he walked into the Guest Hall.
Staring at the shadows casted by Stirling’s back, ZiChuan Xiu was riddled with worries: “I hope it is not what I think it is…”
Luo Jie, Bai Chuan, and Chang Chuan immediately stood up and saluted. Thanks to his exceptional talents, dazzling charm, and charisma, Stirling had become the new generation of ZiChuan Soldiers’ idol. The younger officers like Bai Chuan might not have recognized more powerful figures like the Headmaster or the Supreme Commander, but they would never mistake the sight of Stirling. Luo Jie had admired him for a long time.
Even though it was the first time they had met, all of them could tell that Stirling was different from his usual self…
According to Commander Bai Chuan’s personal memoirs – “The Days with his Lordship”.
“…He (Stirling) greeted us as expected and spoke appropriately for someone of his station. He even shared a frozen watermelon with us on the couch and answered any questions we had regarding the art of war… Everything seemed normal, but somehow I could always sense that he wasn’t entirely comfortable in his own skin… Very peculiar indeed. I told myself that perhaps it was what you would call a woman’s instinct?”
Later, another officer at the scene, Adjutant General Luo Jie had this to say: “Don’t you believe the ‘woman’s instinct’ crap that old hag Bai Chuan has been spewing. That entire memoir of hers was a scam. It was all made up and written by a hired gun. She doesn’t even know the meaning of ‘How are you?’ Even an idiot could tell that Stirling was off his game! How else could a Master like Stirling hurt his own hand when cutting open a watermelon? Or ask us the same question five times? ‘When did you come back to Di Du?’, ‘You guys came back when?’, ‘When was it again?’ …Even though we gave him a clear answer every time, he had to ask it again in less than three minutes.”
Chief of Staff, Chang Chuan added: “Also, Master Xiu just stood there, not saying anything, but kept laughing like two Yang Ming Hua’s and a Lei Xun added together. You could tell just by the sneaky way he laughed that something was afoot!”
…
After leaving ZiChuan Ning’s mansion, ZiChuan Xiu decided to walk Stirling home.
“The stars are really bright tonight!” Stirling spoke flatly, as if he was making a statement.
ZiChuan Xiu looked at the cloudy sky, raised his eyebrows, and said: “Of course!”
“The moon is exceptionally large as well!”
“Sure.” Even though no moon could be seen that night.
“Look at how clean the streets are in the capital!”
“You are right.” ZiChuan Xiu had just stepped on a dead cat.
“You didn’t have to walk me home. I’m sure you have a lot of things waiting for you to do as it is…”
“Bullshit.”
“…”
“…”
“Thanks for the gift by the way, Li Qing will be glad.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Is everything all right with Lady Ning? I didn’t get to see her tonight.”
“She is fine.”
“What was her name?”
“Ka Dan.”
The pair stopped where they stood. ZiChuan Xiu stared at Stirling, but the latter avoided the gaze of the former.
Silence.
Finally, ZiChuan Xiu spoke slowly, one word at a time: “Princess Ka Dan, the third daughter of the current Demon God King. She is my spoil of war from the fifth battle of Heng Chuan. The High Command made her my ward.”
Stirling’s lips were trembling, lacking their usual calm courage.
“You knew?”
“I’m not blind.”
“Do you think badly of me?”
“Nope.” Turning his face away, ZiChuan Xiu replied after considering it a bit more: “Not more than usual, anyway.”
“I have a fiancé, and she loves me very much.”
“I know. Li Qing is a great woman.”
“She is the Demon God King’s daughter, a Demon.”
“And royalty, no less!”
…
The pair halted their steps once again, inspecting each other closely.
“What should I do?”
“Do you really want to hear me talk about how a high ranking officer of the ZiChuan Army should behave himself, have devotion to the cause, and the selflessness and courage to sacrifice oneself for the greater good?”
“F*ck you @#4#&&##!”
“…”
“Sorry, that was uncalled for.”
“It is alright, but there are several ways to deal with this… Do you want to hear about the long-term solutions, the mid-term solutions, or the short-term solutions?”
“Let’s start with the long-term.”
“The long-term solution can also be called: The Decisive Solution. Solution number one: Tie a knot of rope on the ceiling, and step on a chair. Put your neck through the loop and kick away the chair. Solution number two: Go to the Great Demon Fortress and challenge the Demon God King to a single combat match. Solution number three: On the 1st of January, assassinate Yang Ming Hua during the annual military parade. So which one of the solutions do you prefer?”
“…”
“Not to your liking? That’s alright, we still have the mid-term solutions! Like castrating yourself with a razorblade… Other than the technical difficulties which may become present when performing such a deed, its effectiveness and health risks are both inferior to the solutions mentioned earlier…”
“Shut the f*ck up!”
“Or perhaps you can act like a horny teenager. Buy a dozen roses and send them to Princess Ka Dan. Wait beneath her window every night till the sun rises, sing her love songs, and play the guitar. Make your heart race without stopping whenever you catch a glimpse of her shadow…though you might want to watch out for your future father-in-law!”
“I told you to shut up!”
“No good? Well then, there is only one final solution left… Since I’m her guardian, I can lock her up somewhere alone and secluded; I can even give you the keys…”
Stirling instantly punched ZiChuan Xiu in the face, sending him tumbling to the ground. Slowly regaining his footing, ZiChuan Xiu took a handkerchief from Stirling and wiped off the blood around the corner of his mouth, speaking slowly: “If you ask me, I’d rather kill you than see you walk down this road… Death can be swift and painless.” ZiChuan Xiu spoke in a deeper voice: “Give up, brother. This is madness. We both know that if there was the slightest hope, I would have helped you, no matter the cost. But this time… you are no longer fifteen years old! I’m sure you are just having a crush! She doesn’t even know who you are!”
Stirling remained silent; the usual fire was missing from his eyes. He could have been paying attention to the conversation, but he could have been somewhere else entirely as well…
…
“…”
“This is the first time I have felt this way.” Stirling’s voice was soft, but the tone was resolute: “I love her.”
“No, you don’t!” ZiChuan Xiu argued back, softly: “And don’t you love Li Qing, as well?”
“It’s not the same! With Li Qing…” Stirling wanted to continue but he stopped himself, then he continued: “Xiu, do you know what is the worst thing that can happen to a man?”
“Impotence!” ZiChuan Xiu answered without a second thought.
Both of them looked surprised at each other.
ZiChuan Xiu carefully probed at the subject: “Stirling, surely you are not… you are so young and… sigh, that is really unfortunate. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Being alive is a lot more than just… Somethings are just not meant to be…”
“F*ck off, you are the impotent one! The “worst thing” i meant was something else entirely! So what is the second worst thing that can happen to a man according to you?”
“If my wife sold my house, stole my money, took my car and ditched me for another man!”
“Then you are wrong!” Stirling seemed to have made up his mind: “There are worse things that can happen to a man!” For example, if a promising young man had a few bottles too many after work, by the time he woke up in the moning, he found himself in a stranger’s bed, in a stranger’s room, and next to him lay a female co-worker whom he knew for a long time. While she was still naked, she cried and told you, you were her first. She didn’t want to at first, but you overpowered her, and she couldn’t stop you. Then suddenly the doors into the bedroom opened wide, an authoritive elder and a huge fellow over two meters tall walked in. One was the girl’s father, the other her big brother. They told you politely that you basically have two choices in front of you, either you marry his daughter or castrate yourself, and you had to make the choice now…”
“Hahahaha!” ZiChuan Xiu laughed so hard he couldn’t even stand straight: “Who would be so stupid to fall for a trap like that?!”
Stirling didn’t say a word; he looked very intense.
“Hahahaha…” Slowly, seeing Stirling’s unchanging expression, the loud laughter turned into a giggle and then disappeared. Finally he asked carefully in whispers: “Stirling, surely you didn’t…”
Stirling nodded painfully.
“Really?” ZiChuan Xiu stared dumbfounded at his friend; his face was filled with disbelief.
“Really.” Stirling’s voice was a mixture of endless sorrow and helplessness.
“I see.” ZiChuan Xiu nodded reluctantly: “I understand.”
Stirling gave him an alarming look: “If you laugh one more time, I will kill you!”
“I won’t.” ZiChuan Xiu tried his very best to keep his facial expressions in check: “Well… I’m very sympathetic for your unfortunate situation. On behalf of the entire male half of our species, I would like to express my sincere condolences for your loss, may you find solace…” He quickly jumped a step back, evading Stirling’s furious fist.
A game of cat and mouse later, they both ran out of breath and the chase stopped.
“Stirling, so what are you going to do now?” ZiChuan Xiu’s spoke more seriously.
Stirling seemed lost: “Well, before I met Ka Dan, I thought I could just just to let it be. Li Qing is quite pretty, and I don’t loathe spending time with her, who knows, perhaps we can learn to love each other over time.” He smiled bitterly: “But it is too late now, I didn’t know untill tonight, what it feels like to truly fall for someone. what a feeling that was…” There was more weight to his voice.
ZiChuan Xiu frowned: “But that is not a solution to the problem.”
“I’m aware.”
Stirling saw a little tavern next to the road and smiled: “I just found another solution—alcohol, the solution to all worries! Come, it is my treat.”
“Wait, I can’t! I have to report to the Civil Affair’s Office tomorrow! Yang Ming Hua wants me to be the Deputy Division Chief. I’m not allowed to drink tonight…”
Stirling ignored his protests and entered the tavern.
ZiChuan Xiu understood: “Shit, he is serious this time! Why can’t it be a good woman like Li Qing? Instead, he has to fall in love with the Demon God King’s daughter… What is wrong with this world?! Love… is clearly the root of all evil!”
…
Yet, the one asking these questions could never have guessed that many years later, he would find himself in the midst of an even more bitter love struggle. It would be the most famous and heart-wrenching love story during the golden age. However, that is a tale for another time…
Imperial Calendar Year 778, August: On the hottest day of the month, Stirling was 23, Di Lin was 24 and ZiChuan Xiu was 18. The three young heroes of House ZiChuan found themselves swept away by the whirlpool of time, unable to escape, struggling. It was a period of their lives when they had no control over the directions of their future. However, the days when they could were rapidly approaching…
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