128. Nagumo Iwato
I hate myself.
If 『death』 is allowed for me, I would like to die right away.
If my 『death』 can pay for those who died, I would like to twist and cut my neck right away.
And I hate it because I know that it is an 『escape』.
As expected, I hate myself who is trying to escape by dying.
In the first place, I can’t helped but to hate myself……who accumulated sins to the extent that I want to die.
I clench my fist.
While knowing that I don’t have the right to do so.
While knowing that I don’t have the right to be angry of her being hurt.
But still, I clench my fist in anger.
「–Sorry, I’m late」
Hearing my words, she speaks from behind.
I think she is purely surprised.
Why am I here?
Her eyes are showing such surprised feeling.
The man groans while holding down his stomach which was punched.
……On the other hand, there are scars from being punched, kicked, and tormented on her body.
Upon seeing that, my anger rises another stage.
I smiled to her.
I showed her a smile desperately.
–Probably, I will become the world’s unsightly after this.
「I told you, didn’t I」
Saying that, I clench my fist.
No matter how many times.
Even if my hands bleed.
Even if my bones break.
I just clench my fist strongly and tightly.
「–I won’t abandon you」
While boasting that, I hurt her.
And this man……who carried it out while laughing.
Putting a bottomless hatred and killing intent in my fist, I glare at him.
「……Haa, won’t abandon, you say!? Hey hey, what a laugh! Up until now, up until this moment! Who was the one who abandoned the small fry for me to torment till death!? It was you! Don’t try to look cool when you’re the one who abandoned her at the final moment, you idiot!」
「Ah, that’s right」
Ah, that’s how it is. Just as he said.
I am stupid and foolish and always weak.
I am weak. I am inevitably weak.
I can’t rush to my precious one when she is in a pinch.
My mistake caused her to meet danger.
I can’t even protect a single promise.
「Haa! Die, you hypocrite!」
Several wolf Unknowns appear from his shadow along with his voice.
They rush towards my body, stabbing their fangs on me. My neck, leg, arm……splash blood along with a dull pain, and the man was convinced of his victory.
I can hear her scream from behind.
I fall to my knees in pain and breathe out greatly.
……Good grief, I am so weak.
I receive damage by having their fangs stabbed into my body. Even if I know that I won’t die, I fall to my knees in pain.
I look at the wolf that is biting my neck.
Its red eyes are filled with hatred……but still, it is completely overwrote by 『fear』 in a few seconds.
The wolf cries and releases its fang.
My previous self would have killed it without hesitation, but……it looks like I can touch it properly even if we can’t communicate. While stroking its back gently, I realized that for the first time in my life.
「If you want to taunt me, then, go ahead. If you want to attack, then, go ahead. I won’t attack back. I won’t refute. –Only one hit. Clench your teeth」
My fist starts to bleed.
Hearing a gasping voice from behind, I stand up.
The man in front of me twitches his face as if he doesn’t understand anything, and I thrust my red fist at him.
From now on–it is my desire.
As the King of Black Coffin, and an ordinary person called Nagumo Iwato.
Piling up countless corpses, and carrying countless grudges.
As the 『me』 who have no excuse for that.
「I declare. This is……the first and the last」
This anger is for myself who hurt this girl.
This anger is for myself who couldn’t save this girl.
This anger is for this man who hurt this girl.
This anger is for this man who laughed at this girl.
For myself who created this situation……of her crying and being wounded.
I am very angry now.
That’s why, I will make this the last.
The first and the last.
I won’t let her be sad anymore.
I probably don’t have the right to say that.
Because I hurt her the most.
I don’t have such right to do so.
But still, I decided to protect her.
I decided to give my all to her.
That’s why, this will be my first and last anger.
「I will punch you–with the 『anger』 of my body and soul」
The man laughed.
At my words, and determination.
At her circumstances, present, and future.
He kicked her while sneering.
And at the end of sneering, he stared at me.
Glaring at me with the cold and dark eyes.
「I don’t like you. I’ll kill you」
Suddenly, a strong killing intent overflows.
When I put up my hands to guard, a black blade stabs through my guard.
The blade stabs deeply into my hands, stomach, and legs. When I breathe out greatly in pain, the man’s voice resounded.
「Boring. Haa? What’s with that tearjerking false line! I hate those kind of things……Aaaah! Listening to it makes me feel the chill! It’s disgusting, so just die!」
The man swings his arm, and a great shock runs through my body.
As if an invisible large arm punched me…… When I sink my legs to the ground to kill the shock, several magic squares can be seen at the corner of my sight.
As I opened my eyes wide, the blade that pierced me a while ago, appeared from the magic squares. But the aim wasn’t me.
I shake off the pressure on my body, and immediately, cover the girl behind me.
And–a strong pain runs through my back.
I cough blood at her shoulder as if an organ was damaged by that.
Several blades stabbed my back, and I unintentionally smiled wryly by that sight.
「Ha, dahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Look! Look, this is the mess of a hypocrite! Aah!? What did you say just now!? Punch me? Won’t abandon? This brat is really an idiot! Destroying and protecting can never coexist! That’s the world’s rule……!」
Several more blades stab my back.
I can’t feel the pain anymore.
My body temperature goes down gradually. Even so, the blood flowing out of my body is strangely warm.
Then, when I look at the other warmness, I can see the girl trembling in my arms.
「S-Stop……it, stop! You! You……why, why don’t you use your power!? After all, you are strong! Stronger than Tou-san……」
「……Idiot, what are you saying to the man who killed your father」
After coming here, I understand one thing.
It’s not that I 『lost my power』.
At present, for her sake……I used it as much as I like to come this far.
But……but still, I can’t use it in front of her.
I can’t use my superpower in front of her.
It’s either I’m paying attention to her as an adult or it’s some kind of trauma. Or maybe the curse given to me by the Shutendouji.
「……W-Well. Gaho, don’t, worry. This kind of guy, compared to your father, is completely weak」
After all, your father managed to hurt me who’s using my superpower. He’s the only one who managed to do that on me.
While smiling, I place my hands on my knees and stand up.
Stepping firmly on the pool of blood, and I stroke her head roughly while forcing a smile.
When I look at her, she was crying.
Who made her cry?
Asking that to myself, I look at my right fist.
It was the fist that was clenched tightly for the whole time.
When I turn around, I can see the man with the eyes of hatred. I slowly turn towards the man……and suddenly, I feel something pulling me, and I turn around.
The girl was pulling my coat desperately. And she squeeze out the word from her heart.
The blue eyes glare at me.
The figure of her grasping my coat tightly is very small and appropriate for her age, and above all……she seems a little lonely.
「……I know. Since the beginning……since that day」
I knew what she want to say from the beginning.
After all, I heard it continuously.
Until it makes my ear burn. Until my heart hurts.
That’s why, don’t worry, and wait there.
「I–won’t be killed by anyone other than you」
Clenching my fist, I look forward.
With all my anger!
With the first and last anger of my body and soul……!
「Shut up! Just die already, you bastards!!!」
The man shouts and countless blades drop from the air.
Facing the blades aiming at my life, I muster all my remaining strength, and kick the ground strongly.
Right now, he can only see me.
Dyed in anger, gotten mad in hatred……well, same like me.
Facing those that try to kill 『me only』, I clench my fist for one last time. I clench it tightly and strongly until my bones break!
『I may be your mother’s subordinate. But before that, I’m your direct subordinate and also your Nee-san. I’m your ally more than anyone in this world』
At that time, I didn’t say it because I was embarrassed.
My heart broke, and I sobbed.
Wanting to escape, and wanting to be saved by someone.
At that time, you were with me. Thank you for being with me.
The blades approach.
Stabbing my shoulder, piercing my arm, and scarring my cheek.
Even so, I push forward without stopping.
『Iwato-kun. Don’t worry, because I’m sure that what you are doing is the right thing as a 『person』 even if it’s wrong as a 『human』. This 【Ally of Justice】assures you』
Am I wrong as a human now?
Am I right as a human now?
I don’t know. I don’t know what’s right or wrong.
Because I don’t know, I will think and think……and stick to what I think I should do. But if that is wrong……then, at that time, I will leave it to you.
I swing up my fist greatly.
A large blade approaches before my eyes, and pierced my head.
Stabbing into one of my eyes, the man laughs greatly.
–At that moment.
Her figure came to my mind.
A little while ago.
Wearing an apron.
Holding the knife unfamiliarly.
Recalling her troubled words, I smiled greatly.
『–Besides, you, worked too much, just a little』
「Shut up, just let me do it. I’m your Nii-chan after all」
The man who thought he won, open his eyes wide.
But he is already in my range.
The distance which my 『anger』 can reach.
I thrust my bloody fist at the man’s face.
Everything was painted over by the first and last anger, I just swing my fist with all my strength without any technique or superpower.
The man’s body breaks through the wall and disappears along with a loud sound.
Seeing that, I look at my own fist.
I open up my clenched fist, and turn around.
The little girl who looks at me in surprise.
Tears shine in her eyes.
I will never forget this scene until I die.
As my first and last failure.
As my first and last anger.
But thinking about this kind of thing comes later.
「Now, let’s go home. Everyone’s waiting」
The crying girl jumps into my bloody chest.
The warmness on my chest.
I hug the crying girl.
I still didn’t know how to express this feelings in words at that time.
Was I right?
Was it okay for me to be here?
Was it okay for me to live with her?
Such hesitation will never die out.
I will continue to hesitate more and more from now on.
Even though I already have the answer for it since the beginning.
As long as she wishes for it, I will postpone that answer.
I will be her elder brother.
This me who killed her father.
Will be naming myself as her brother.
That is one kind of a curse.
So that I won’t run away from her again.
So that I won’t run away from the forthcoming 『death』.
This is the dark history of a shithead.
There’s nothing fun about it.
There were too much blood and tears to be called as a memory.
A story without hope like such blood, tears, hatred, and grudge mixed together and became black.
This is the story of sins of Nagumo Iwato.
Everyone carries a 『sin』, cries, and struggles.
But still, as a result, no one was rewarded. I who struggled desperately, was also not rewarded.
What remained were the conscious of sin, and the fate of the forthcoming death.
I recall such story of a shithead almost everyday.
It was clearly burned into the back of my eyelids.
As if it happened yesterday.
Hatred, disgust, tears, and blood.
The happiness felt at the end.
I will never forget it until I die.
–Until the day. I will be killed by none other than her.