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Watashi, Dokidoki Renai Kakumei de Onii-chan Yattemasu.
Chapter 62 – The Winter Vacation and Christmas and the Imposed Love Activities [2]
Sakurai Makoto’s about to die from over-capacity. The development is so major that my head can’t follow.
If there’s a deviation value for love, mine would be at the bottom. My heart just awoken yesterday. I think it’s too early for me to love. That’s why I wanted to wait a little longer, but Soutarou’s heart began running.
After discussing with Ichigo-chan, Soutarou puts on a shady smile and pulls my arm, bringing me to his house. Moreover, it’s the cliché development where his parents and siblings will be away for the night. Soutarou’s family, is too good at reading the atmosphere.
“Mako, here.”
Soutarou beckons the moment I enter the entranceway.
You grabbed my arm and is so close by, how do you want me to get even closer?
“Soutarou, weren’t we going to eat first?”
Although my appetite’s already close to zero, wholeheartedly wanting this situation of being alone with Soutarou in his house (which is guaranteed a heart-throbbing development) to disappear, I tried my luck mumbling.
Soutarou smiles lightly, biting his lips with a face on the verge of tears. My chest throbs coldly. A chilly pain pierces through my brain to my abdomen, making me slightly dizzy.
“I’ll cook. Ah, right, there are cabbage rolls left from yesterday. Do you want some?”
“Un, I like cabbage rolls.”
Somehow the entire conversation feels feigned.
It was my first time having such an unproductive conversation. It feels so uncomfortable that I can’t stand it. I want to leave right now but I can’t. Because if I leave now, I’ll probably never see Soutarou smile at me again. Even though it’s awkward, I must somehow, awkwardly, handle things well here.
“I see. I’ll prepare it so come in and wait.”
“‘Kay.”
Removing my shoes, I follow Soutarou and head towards the living room. I sit on the sofa and gaze at the back of Soutarou warming up the cabbage rolls.
Although I came to Soutarou’s house before, it’s the first time I came with such awkwardness.
The atmosphere had also turned awkward like this in the past. The cause was me giving a late answer. Although I must find a proper answer this time for sure, my head is completely blank and I couldn’t think of one.
At this rate, if I drag on and postpone my answer, it may become 31st March before I know it and I’d have to blankly return to reality without giving one.
“It’s yesterday’s leftovers but have some, if you like.”
“Did you make these, Soutarou?”
“Un, well. My parents are both working.”
Cabbage rolls, seaweed salad and rice. Plated in a way that made them look delicious, it was more than enough to stimulate the appetite of me, who hadn’t eaten breakfast.
For me to have an appetite even though I’m so worried, I really am quite a carefree woman.
Suddenly raising my head, Soutarou has an expression as though some part of his body hurts, while he slowly raises his chopsticks. Unlike the carefree and foolish me, Soutarou appears to be languishing.
Soutarou will, surely, continue to brood until I give an answer.
“Um, … Soutarou.”
Calling out to him is one thing, but I don’t have an answer yet.
Although Soutarou should know of this, he’s giving me his usual smile. That made me relieved, just a little.
“Mako, it’s okay to forget my feelings if it’s painful for you.”
Soutarou is prioritising my feelings even when he’s smiling with a face on the verge of tears.
It’s unlikely I can forget everything of that happened in this moment and treat him like usual. How can I live tomorrow after hurting a friend so much?
“There’s no way I can forget, right…”
“Sorry… But I like you, Mako… I don’t think we can return to being friends. Sorry…”
Why is Soutarou apologizing? He didn’t do a single thing that he needs to apologise for. Rather, I should be the one apologizing.
He’s not at fault. It’s my fault for being indecisive. All Soutarou did was say that he likes me. It’s my fault for not being able to decide.
In the end, it could be that I just wanted to be pampered by everyone. In the depths of my conscious mind, I might have been happy to stay in this environment where different people love and seek for me. What cool onii-chan? What not wanting to be a reverse harem heroine?
I made Soutarou so sad even though I claimed he’s a precious friend, and yet he’s saying that he likes me.
“Sorry… I shouldn’t have come to like you, huh? If I had continued to like you as a friend, you wouldn’t be troubled and I can stay beside you forever, Mako. But it’s impossible. My chest hurts as though it’s being burned when you only laughed with someone else. I want to hug you when you walk beside me.”
Every single word resounds heavily in the room that’s as silent as a grave.
“Although I knew that this is bad, that I’m friends with you, Mako, …”
I choke. My head is so heavy that it’s annoying to even breathe.
Serious feelings resound this heavily in one’s head. It was something I didn’t know at all until I came to this world.
“I, towards Mako―… towards Mako,”
A single, tear, trails across Soutarou’s cheek. The moment I saw that, I unconsciously placed a hand on his cheek.
Then, in an extremely natural manner, my lips touched Soutarou’s. At the same time I think “Did something so soft exist in the world?” the view in front of my eyes turn dark and I snap away from him.
Oi, what did I do, just now? “?” and “!” alternately appear and disappear within my head. Soutarou’s tears seem to have dried but his face is as though he doesn’t know what happened. I feel amused, somehow finding that extremely, extremely, extremely cute.
I also realised.
I want to be with him always. I want to be with him whenever. When I’m with Soutarou, I can think of any boring thing as fun. I think this of Prince and Kaname too. That’s why I thought I liked Soutarou as a friend.
However, when Soutarou’s tear spilled, my chest really felt like it was going to break apart. I’m not as kind as Soutarou, so when someone cries, I only think things like “This has become troublesome” or “What are you crying for, geez”. However, looking at Soutarou’s crying figure, I certainly felt sad.
That’s probably. There are a lot to mull over, there are a lot to mull over about Soutarou, but. I don’t really get it.
I’ve completely no idea how does loving feels and maybe it’s an attachment-formed type of love where I start liking Soutarou because he told me too many times that he liked me. However, since I’ll never get an answer even if I think messily like this, isn’t this fine as an answer?
I, towards Soutarou.
“I like you.”
―… That’s how it is, please take care of me.
The many thoughts in my head finally fit together with a clink.
My mind that was blank became so clear like it could see even the future. It was a piece of cake to locate my feelings of liking Soutarou from that clear mind.
“… Eeh, …”
Seems it’s true that saying you like someone is embarrassing.
I’m transcendently embarrassed now. The word “like” is too heavy for my lips. How pathetic that my lips tremble just by that a four-lettered “like”. Even though you kissed. Really, isn’t that just too pathetic?
“That’s, as a friend?”
The reverse side of my heart hurts.
Liking him as a friend, although they’re words I told him a number of times, the reverse side of my heart hurts when the word “friend” comes from Soutarou’s mouth.
“… Will you kiss a friend, Soutarou?”
“No. … But”
Soutarou grabs my arm. Ignoring the prepared dishes that became a mess, he hugs my body across the table with enough strength to mess me up. Enough that the bones throughout my body creak.
“If that friend is Mako, I will. … Yes, I want to.”
“So you like kissing?”
Just as I gained a little composure, enough to feel Soutarou’s body temperature, the feelings I threw at Soutarou finally made a full turn and returned to me.
After many twists and turns, after taking many, many countering actions and speaking countering words, the place I finally arrive at is more comfortable than expected. Similar to the feeling of sleeping wrapped up in a down quilt in midwinter.
“That’s not it. Don’t tease me. I like you, Mako.”
Ah, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back to my original world.
Even if I am to go back eventually, I want to stay in this world a little more. This old lady wants to see Soutarou grow up. At least until he’s 18. At least until he’s 22. At least until this feeling becomes my unrequired love. I think, I want to remain in this world at least until Soutarou no longer likes me.
The me, as Sakurai Makoto.
I’m not Heart-throb Revolution’s Sakurai Makoto who lives in Tachibana City, the suburbs near the metropolitan area. I’m merely the beyond ordinary Makoto who lives smack in a rural corner of Japan.
If Soutarou chooses me even after meeting such a boring me, I want to remain in this world a little longer.
“Are you saying you’ll love me no matter how I’m like? What if, what if a shady magician turned me into a guy, and I’m actually a totally not cute, rather, ugly woman, … will you be able to say the same words?”
“Mako, what’s wrong? All of a sudden?”
“No, … sorry for saying strange things.”
I’m overwhelmed with just conveying my feelings of like. The conversation about me actually being a woman who came from another world, blah blah, can be left to next time. With that in mind, I stroke Soutarou’s back to gloss it over.
“That, female Mako, is she very mean?”
“Eh? No, … well, think of her as basically just me… however, she’s an ugly woman, and is more irresolute…”
“But Mako is Mako, right? So it’s fine. Whether a girl, a crybaby, easily angered, poor, or rich. Whether ugly to the point one can’t bear to look, or a peerless beauty, anything’s fine.”
Soutarou’s words probably aren’t lies. At the very least, I think there’s no falsehood in these words at this moment, of this time.
“I think, no matter what you appear to be, I will be able tell it’s you, Mako.”
This posture of hugging across the table is starting to be tiring, but Soutarou hugs me even more firmly so I return Soutarou’s hug with my butt stuck out pointlessly[1]. The sauce oozing from the cabbage rolls on the table soak into my clothes.
“… In that case, if you know it’s me even after the spell is broken, I’ll receive you as a bride.”
“What’s with that. We’ll definitely marry with such a promise. ‘Cos there’s no way I can’t tell it’s Mako.”
Even if I like Soutarou, even if I wish to not return. When the time comes, I’ll probably choose to return to reality. Because if I place the over 10 years spent with my family against the 1 year with Soutarou on a scale, it’s obvious which is heavier.
However, if Soutarou can really tell it’s me after seeing the female me, then…
“Mako, hey, it’s about time we eat. They got messed up so I’ll go dish up something new.”
“Ah, okay.”
The Soutarou who dished up new food sits next to me extremely naturally and hits his own thighs. When I frown to express I don’t understand, he smiles, using his angelic and sly doggy special skill. He tilts his head with sparkles flying behind him.
“You can eat on my lap, you know?”
“So you’re gonna to be like this after all, huh! You!”
“Eh? We’re already a couple, right? I, want to be more lovey-dovey with Mako…”
”Kyun, kyun” he looks at me with those sly upturned eyes.
With his dog ears drooping feebly, he takes on the pose of an abandoned puppy. Ah, this guy definitely knows. He knows that I’ll listen to him if he uses this face.
“I won’t! It’s no use using that face. I just got convinced that you’re actually two-faced[2]!”
“Eh? Two-faced…?”
A blank face like he doesn’t understand a thing. I won’t be tricked even if you use this face y’know… I won’t…!
Someone please quickly do something about this panda-type boy who appears cute but is actually dangerous.
[1] Mako’s starting to break posture (butt sticking out) but Soutarou held him/her tighter so he/she returned the hug with a semi-broken posture?
[2] If you read Chinese novels, this is the infamous black belly!
Awwwww! More! Thank you☆