Chapter 294 – Analyzing twenty years of true feelings
Xiao Xu felt his heart crack in that instant, leaving a small opening. What poured in wasn’t cold wind, rather it was endless warm light.
He suddenly discovered the thing he was looking for for almost twenty years, he found it on her.
Originally, he thought he was already too far away from that warmth.
But unexpectedly, on this little fellow’s body, he saw the tenderness and warmth he had never experienced.
“Little fellow, if you don’t want me to go, then you should wake up more quickly!” Xiao Xu grasped her hand tightly, repressing the bitter pain and worry stuck in his throat.
If the Heavens that had tormented him for so many years finally let him go, then it shouldn’t take her away!
Since she had already come, then he won’t allow her to leave!
As if she perceived the familiar breath by her side, Chu Qing-Yan slowly stopped sobbing uncontrollably and once again sunk into unconsciousness.
The high fever in her body still hadn’t retreated.
After two hours, Cheng Yan-Luo came in to do an examination. She discovered the fever still hadn’t retreated and on the contrary, there were indications the temperature may have risen. Immediately, she changed the medication and told Xiao Xu he must make her drink it.
Xiao Xu’s hand was wrapped around that pale white little hand when he agreed.
Before Cheng Yan-Luo left, she saw specks of anguish arise in Xiao Xu’s eyes that were originally peaceful without the slightest ripple. She couldn’t help but sigh in her heart. This was also a person fated to have a bitter life. Forget it, the resentment she had towards him from before, she’ll just write it off in one stroke. After all, at that time, he was just an indirect factor. If she truly needed to blame something, she could only blame it on fate and destiny.
Her body turned, intending to leave, when she saw a person covered in moonlight that was looking at her.
Cheng Yan-Luo pretended she didn’t see him, preparing to brush past him.
“Little Yan, I’m sorry.” Air Spirit said with head bowed.
Cheng Yan-Luo closed her eyes, this sentence of apology, she had waited six years for it. However, in the end, it was too late.
Because the heart was already too tired.
How to let a heart that was full of holes wait for a period of romantic love in the past that hadn’t even blossomed?
Her footsteps didn’t halt, compelling her feet to move step by step, not to turn her head back.
Mo Rong-Jue, if I could choose, I’d rather we had never met.
The instant the cold wind brushed past, Air Spirit tightly clenched his hands. He wanted to go and stop her but his heart clearly knew.
Regarding the hatred she had towards him, Little Yan had already carved it in her heart and bones. No matter what he said, she would not be able to forgive him.
But it’s fortunate the hate exists. If the hate is gone, then that would cause the most despair for a person.
A moonlit night, whose family’s happy, whose family’s worried?
No one knows the characteristics of winter’s wind and the cold months. Which person was more pitiful?
After Xiao Xu finished feeding her the second bowl of medicine, there were signs her body temperature was slowly starting to go down.
But he remembered Cheng Yan-Luo’s instructions. She used a fierce medicine in this prescription. She couldn’t guarantee the illness wouldn’t return in the depth of the night. She told him that by all means, he must pay close attention.
The person fast asleep didn’t wake up. Time flowed past bit by bit, making the waiting person deeply worried.
He suddenly thought, during the period that he was in a state of unconsciousness, was the little fellow as worried about him as he was worried about her now?
He was somewhat remorseful. Today, he should have confessed to her he was already awake,so that she wouldn’t have to endure the suffering of apprehension in her dreams again.
A slightly pained expression appeared at the corner of his lips. Xiao Xu held her hand, slowly opening his mouth to say. “I remember, in the period when I was unconscious, you accompanied me and said many things. Now this time, it’s my turn to accompany you to have a conversation.”
Recalling that when he lingered among the darkness, it was this little fellow that didn’t give up. Sentence after sentence continuously revolved around the scenery surrounding him. Everytime when he was prepared to leave just like that, it was the sound of her weeping, her reluctance to let go, her wailing grief that was like vines wrapping around his limbs tightly, making it impossible for him to leave, but to wait for the arrival of dawn.
“My birth bound me to the identity of Western Xuan country’s prince by the first wife. It also determined the unfairness in life I have to go through.”
“In childhood I didn’t understand it, because I thought as long as I strove, as long as I made something of myself, he would glance at me once. Unfortunately he didn’t.”
“Afterwards, I thought if I became someone irreplaceable, maybe their gazes would land on me?”
“But the result?” He laughed bitterly. “I became a thorn in their eyes. A stumbling block they wished to eliminate quickly.”
“I don’t understand why nothing developed as mother empress said it would, until that huge fire ignited. In order to protect me, the people by my side were killed one after another in front of me. The palace became a river of blood, bathed in the red hot flames of a large fire. That year I was ten, everything in my eyes was red, the red color of blood, the red color of flame, swallowing up everything.”
“Little fellow, in fact sometime ago, I really envied the children of commoners. Although they didn’t live prosperously, didn’t have servants that called and swarmed them from front and back, but what they had was the affection and family love I didn’t have. Just based on this point, they could easily beat me.”
He stroked her face, smiling slightly. “Little fellow, did you already guess the other mission father emperor assigned me?That was probably why you were unwilling to go while leaving me in the forest right?”
He waited and didn’t get a response from the person on the bed, but he didn’t lose hope, he continued to talk. “Originally I had planned to hand over the remaining military power after being released from prison and take you far away from the imperial court. Only that father emperor was a step ahead of me, he put forward the mission as a different means of achieving the same end of wanting my military power. It also made me leave. Just that what he wanted for me to leave wasn’t the same meaning as what I wanted to get from leaving.”
That night’s long contemplation, father emperor’s unjust accusations, mother empress’s disappointment, he meditated on them for a long time. Suddenly, he realized a lot of things.
The corner of his mouth contained a smile that didn’t have a bit of sorrow. “As a person who holds power, you must have a heart that is more cold blooded than other people. Even if it is toward your own son, it must also be like this. The person he wanted to help wasn’t me, so this wasn’t a surprise to me. Perhaps it’s better to say I already realized this ten years ago.”
“But little fellow, there are many things you want to avoid in this world but can’t avoid. I don’t want to fight over power but mother empress and the Liang family need me to go fight over it. Mother empress gave birth to me, Liang family raised me, Liang family also raised mother empress, I can’t just abandon them. But after so many years, I was only able to achieve a balance of powers with the Fu family for them. More than this, I can’t afford to pay the price.”
“Because I’m worried that once I give too much, a person will become increasingly greedy, then there will be no stopping it.” He closed his eyes. “In other people’s eyes, you are not the best, even if you were to strive for it, you can’t change this fact. If it’s already so, why should I go and fight for it?”
Father emperor’s heart only has fourth royal brother. Since this can’t be changed, even if he was to try harder, it will be a useless effort and nothing more.
“I know you must have secretly said I shouldn’t be stupidly loyal. I shouldn’t agree to these unequal treatments. Even more, I shouldn’t take responsibility for all these missions.”
“But little fellow, I am first a citizen of Western Xuan before being a prince. If my country needs me, I must go and offer my abilities, to punish the wicked and wipe out evil. To take back justice for the people and return Western Xuan to peace and prosperity.”
“I have lived so many years by myself, I don’t want those children to have the same responsibilities as me.”
“But now, I have also realized, I still have you. I am no longer alone.”